Life at L’abri - Jessi Johnson - February 7, 2025

This place feels like a summer camp for messed up kids. Only it’s not summer and there is a severe lack of Kool-Aid. Which is probably a good thing, as that’s usually an indicator that you are in a cult. And it’s not a cult – they want you to leave and really haven’t been hounding me about not yet paying for my stay here. I sat in one of my tutoring sessions, just babbling on and on about my life to a patiently listening Ingvild, when I said, “is this supposed to be like therapy?” She shrugged and responded, “is it?” There is a deep acknowledgement of the whole person here – to look at someone as a whole being, complex and nuanced. It seems to be the common theme, how do we become more fully human?

 Today, I went to Petersfield for the Wi-Fi in Madeleine’s café. I came with a group interested in the charity shops, and slowly, the group dispersed until my friend, Sayaka, and I made our way to the café. Not to our great surprise, we ran into two other L’abri students. At one point, I looked up from my phone to see the rest of the crew also on their phones. A common experience in normal life, but totally abnormal for us L’abri-ers. I laughed thinking about what a strange and counter- cultural experience we are having, set apart from the world. The days feel long and full. I think that this is due to our schedules, but also due to the lack of technology distracting us from the passage of time. Last night, I laid down in bed and thought my day. The morning felt like it had happened in another life. Every moment is rich and intentional. Sometimes annoyingly so.

One of the workers, Peter Merz, father of Addie, led a discussion about spiritual wellbeing at the local pub. He asked us what our experience of L’abri is like… Having been through a particularly hard week, I observed that it is an annoyance and a blessing that you cannot hide at L’abri. People notice you, they acknowledge you. And then they help you.

 The discussions that happen here are so deep and real. Most are very honest. We all appreciate it when we can take a break from these types of conversation and have quiet or sillyness. And there is a lot of sillyness here.  Because so much happens in one day, let alone one week, it is hard to encapsulate my time here in digestible pieces. Common themes would be understanding our humanity and what it means to be fully human. Sometimes that means holding two seemingly paradoxical things at once. A yes… and yet.

 Our last lecture touched on the modernity of self. The lecturer, Joel, postulated that in the past, the sense of self was rather fixed. For example, if one was born into a peasant farmer family, that was likely going to be your life as well. Choices were limited and options were few. Nowadays, thanks to technological advances, we live in a more malleable world, with many more choices and opportunities. In some ways you can say it is better, and in others, you might say that it is worse. So, how does this impact an individual’s sense of self? Joel was working from a book by Carl Truman titled “Strange New World” and “The Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self” (I think that’s what it is called, I’m not working from my notes at the moment). He spelled out this idea that the modern individual turns inward to the inner voice as the authority and guide for morality and identity. While in the past, an individual would succumb to an external authority and institutional submission. Neither are completely right, and neither are completely wrong.

 An idea that has fascinated me recently, as I have always wondered about what actually defines our identities – is it some undefinable essence within? Is it our actions? – is that identity only exists in relationship with others. That we were created for relationship, and through relationships, we know who we are. Something to think about. I like that not every idea is accepted here. We had a lecture about how to listen well, and how to disagree well. I think it would benefit many Americans to sit through this lecture and really consider what it means to truly listen to another, and to hold their own thoughts aside as the other speaks. If only we all gave each other that kind of space. We would all learn and grow so much.

 Another concept that I am interested in came from a lecture about gender, based on the lifetime research and writings of Prudence Allen, a nun and philosopher. My main take-away was the holding of another two seemingly paradoxical ideas about the genders, but I think it applies to any two people – equal dignity and significant (or meaningful) difference.

Every human has equal dignity and value, bestowed by their creator, in whose image we are all made, and the meaningful differences that should be celebrated. Chew on that one. Last night, we watched Princess Mononoke. What a treat! Wednesday are our culture and arts event. So far we have watched 3 movies – the first was called the Taste of Things (an absolutely stunning French film), and Shoplifters (a film in Japanese – I loved hearing

Sayaka’s perspective on this film as she speaks fluent Japanese and was explaining how the English subtitles missed some of the subtleties of the dialogue). Our last to Sunday high teas included a Scottish ceilidh dance and song sharing (I performed Caledonia and Catherine said it made her miss her home, thank you Ian for the gift of that song), and a play reading of a Dorothy Sayers interpretation of the gospel story. This was amazingly funny – the highlight was Peter T. doing his Trump impression to play Caiaphus.

When it is nice out, we have tea outside and play some kind of sport, mostly volleyball. It’s so welcoming and fun, and we never keep score and always get muddy.  They’ve let me chop wood a couple times. I love thinking that after a few years of curing, it will be keeping students warm.

 I’m trying to change my mindset in a lot of ways, and working on tending to old wounds. My tutor has been a great guide for me, truly listening and helping me to identify the ways that I can move forward. In a recent lunch discussion, the idea of adopting a “gift mindset” really struck me. If I felt that everything and everyone was a gift, how differently I would hold and interact with the world, including myself.

 I have so much more I could say, and not as much time. Maybe next week, I will work on more time to reflect and compose these “newsletters” – and actually give myself time to edit as well. I would love to also send out prayer requests. Here are the ones I can think of, in this moment:

 Ingvild (my tutor) – for wisdom, strength, and discernment, especially in her relationship to me.

James (a worker from a different l’abri) – that his visa will be approved so he can join his wife and family in America

Logan and Justin – a married couple from the states who lost their baby of 2 weeks. She is hoping to see her baby in a dream

Sayaka – stressed about finding work and a place to live

Emily – who is working through some painful memories

Me – as I am working on my mindset and tending to old wounds