"She'll be alright; it's you I'm worried about." A doctor in the Emergency Room said those words to me as she was treating my daughter, Emma. Emma had an unfortunate accident, which was my fault, and which left her in need of several stitches. I must have looked ashen and desperate as the doctor was stitching her up. The thought that I had injured my little girl was breaking my heart. The doctor took excellent care of Emma, but she was concerned for my well being as well. The doctor could care for Emma's wound, but she didn't have the expertise needed to handle mine.
I sometimes imagine that God is up in heaven looking down at me and saying about Stephanie: "She's alright now; it's you I'm worried about". Last summer Stephanie became alright. After having suffered for six years from a litany of medical problems, she is now perfectly whole. When I list those medical problems, I can't believe what she endured. We walked through the difficult journey of her failing health together, struggled to hang onto hope, struggled to find answers, but now she is alright - completely healed, but I'm still here. So I wonder if God is up in heaven saying: "She's alright now; it's you I'm worried about."
But unlike the doctor who cared for Emma's wounds, my Heavenly Father does have the expertise to care for both of us. He healed Stephanie's illnesses, and He can mend my broken heart. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18) (The Lord) heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. (Psalm 147:3) Those aren't just words on a page to me but real experiences that my Heavenly Father has blessed me with. My quiet times with the Lord often involve tears of joy as I reflect upon His faithfulness to me in my journey, and as I have significant and real encounters with Him through His word and prayer.
And God doesn't worry about us like the doctor in the ER, he intervenes. He gives us hope, through the death and resurrection of His Son for us, so now I know for sure that Stephanie is alright, and that I will see her again, and she will be even more beautiful than the day I married her - which is hard for me to imagine. He gives us His Spirit to comfort and direct us in the journey. I just have to adjust to my new life without her as I wrote in a previous blog: "The Bridges of Fair Haven". There are countless adjustments and just when I think I've gotten through most of them, another one unexpectedly raises its head, and that leads to tears, anger or just the handling of more details.. But my Heavenly Father has given me the grace and courage to face each one.
Tommy Walker wrote a song entitled "He Knows My Name". Here are the lyrics for the chorus: "He knows my name. He knows my every thought. He sees each tear that falls And He hears me when I call."
Those words are so comforting as at times I find myself missing Stephanie so much that tears just well up in me, and I cry out. I know that my Heavenly Father, sees each tear that falls. And He hears me when I call. So Stephanie is alright now, and so am I because my Heavenly Father is looking out for me.