One night in the weeks following Stephanie's death, I awoke with that thought. She is not coming back. You might say, of course she's not coming back. But in 2014 when her health really started a downward spiral, she always came back. In April she had to go to a rehabilitation center in Waterbury for a two month stint while they tried to rehab the injury to her foot that she sustained when she fell on Easter night. After many complications, she came back home - to a home fully equipped with medical equipment.
The following week she had to be admitted to the hospital for complications from her dialysis treatment, but she came back. Then in August she fell and broke both of her ankles - leading to a month of back and forths between the hospital and a rehabilitation facility in Southbury. But again, she came back. Then in early June of 2015 she had to go to the hospital again for what they thought was a mild stroke, but once more, she came back. But on July 24 she went to the hospital, and she didn't come back. A couple of weeks later, I woke up with that sad thought. This time, she isn't coming back.
In the book of 2 Samuel chapter eleven, the unfortunate narrative of David's adultery with Bathsheba and the subsequent murder of her husband is recorded. Because God was displeased with this, the child conceived from their union became ill and died. While the child was ill, David was desperate for God to intervene. He fasted and laid on the ground before God. Finally the child died, and David's response astounded his servants. He got cleaned up and ate a meal. David then shared his reasons: “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live.’ But now that he is dead, why should I go on fasting? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.” (2 Samuel 12:22-23) That last line is my focus. I will go to him, but he will not return to me. I personalize it to be - "I will go to her, but she will not return to me.”
I can say this because although Stephanie isn't coming back, Jesus is coming back.
He promised that when he said, "If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am." (John 14:3)
Even though she came back many times, this time Stephanie is not coming back, but Jesus is and because of that I know I will see her again. I will go to her, but she will not return to me.”