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Pas. Jim's Blog

I'm Jealous of Stephanie

Jim Welty

Did the title get your attention?  I am somewhat jealous of Stephanie because she already knows what's next.  In other words she knows something that I don't know, and she can't share it with me. 

During our marriage we shared everything.  At the end of the day we would talk about what happened during the day: the interactions we had or the new thoughts or insights we gained.  In the last few months while I was working from home, we had an ongoing dialogue.  That sharing is what I miss the most now that she is gone.  I often catch myself thinking, "I can't wait to tell Steph _____ ".  In fact, as strange as it sounds, during the reception following her memorial service, I caught myself thinking:  "I can't wait to tell Steph who I saw or what I learned."   Besides being husband and wife, we were also best friends, so we talked about everything.   I've tried to keep the communication going, using a journal that's by my bed.

 We occasionally finished each other's sentences in a dialogue that might sound like this:    Steph:  "Did you get the _____ ?"  Jim: "No I thought when you were going to get it at  _____ "   Steph: "I decided not to go, so would you mind going to _____?  Jim:  "OK, what flavor would you like?"   Each of those blanks had words in them in our minds which went without saying.  Folks who have been married for a period of time can relate I'm sure.

Steph even indulged my love of sports.  I can remember one time when I was watching a basketball game on TV, and she was sitting beside me on the couch.  Out of nowhere she asked:  "Isn't that a 3 second violation?"  I was in awe, and on her next birthday I found a card that praised her for her "adequate sports knowledge."  We shared everything.

So when I think of her now, I think of the fact that she knows what's next.  1 Corinthians 13:12 says:  For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.  So while I'm here seeing a reflection, she is seeing Jesus face to face.  And while I am here knowing in part, she knows fully and is fully known.  My best friend knows what's next, but she can't tell me about it.   So do you see why I'm a little jealous.  Maybe you're a little jealous now as well.