I'm Jealous of Stephanie
Jim Welty
Did the title get your attention? I am somewhat jealous of Stephanie because she already knows what's next. In other words she knows something that I don't know, and she can't share it with me.
During our marriage we shared everything. At the end of the day we would talk about what happened during the day: the interactions we had or the new thoughts or insights we gained. In the last few months while I was working from home, we had an ongoing dialogue. That sharing is what I miss the most now that she is gone. I often catch myself thinking, "I can't wait to tell Steph _____ ". In fact, as strange as it sounds, during the reception following her memorial service, I caught myself thinking: "I can't wait to tell Steph who I saw or what I learned." Besides being husband and wife, we were also best friends, so we talked about everything. I've tried to keep the communication going, using a journal that's by my bed.
We occasionally finished each other's sentences in a dialogue that might sound like this: Steph: "Did you get the _____ ?" Jim: "No I thought when you were going to get it at _____ " Steph: "I decided not to go, so would you mind going to _____? Jim: "OK, what flavor would you like?" Each of those blanks had words in them in our minds which went without saying. Folks who have been married for a period of time can relate I'm sure.
Steph even indulged my love of sports. I can remember one time when I was watching a basketball game on TV, and she was sitting beside me on the couch. Out of nowhere she asked: "Isn't that a 3 second violation?" I was in awe, and on her next birthday I found a card that praised her for her "adequate sports knowledge." We shared everything.
So when I think of her now, I think of the fact that she knows what's next. 1 Corinthians 13:12 says: For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. So while I'm here seeing a reflection, she is seeing Jesus face to face. And while I am here knowing in part, she knows fully and is fully known. My best friend knows what's next, but she can't tell me about it. So do you see why I'm a little jealous. Maybe you're a little jealous now as well.